When someone says… ‘Just Calm Down’

“Suzanne, Just Calm Down”…..    That actually is the worst thing my ex ever said to me.

He’s truly a gem… but that pissed me off every time.

If I had a nickel for every time someone said this to me in my 20s when I was struggling with anxiety…. I’d be wealthy enough to be living my dream, touring with Sting and writing songs about single mums.

In a way, they were right. But the harsh reality was that I didn’t know HOW to relax.

And they didn’t know HOW either.

I have since spent my entire adult life studying HOW to RELAX. And then how to help others RELAX. (I hope we’ve helped you).

I’ll tell you how, plain and simple: breathe slower, only through your nose. It will become your more natural state of being.

You will become calmer.

I have 100 other fun tips and techniques that support this.. because that’s how many I had to test to figure this out. (see a few below).

Simple? Yes. Easy? Not so much.

Simply because Life happens and we forget.


Being stressed raises excess cortisol and causes other reactions, which contribute to inflammation and illness.

So lowering them… aka calming down and relaxing…. decreases it.

This is why Doctors recommend Yoga. 

Because the combination of moving, breathing and being still… LOWERS STRESS, your reactions and their complications.

One of YOU recently told us you lowered your blood pressure while IN THE DOCTOR’S OFFICE by slowing down your breath.

Another told us that you lowered your cholesterol by 40 mg/dl.

Someone else told me they already sleep better after just a few weeks of practicing.

We know it works. (And we know some people who really need it. )

So, instead of suggesting they, ‘just calm down’… try the 4 helpful tips below to get them into a calmer state without them even realizing that you’re ‘yoga’ing them’. ‍♀️


1. Have them Look at something very far away and soften their gaze. (A soft focus is a direct signal to relax your nervous system. Like gazing at a sunset, a far away tree, the landscape, etc. The trick is to soften the gaze).

2. Don’t tell them to take a deep breath. Instead ask them to breathe OUT as slow and as long as they can. It will make the next inhale naturally deeper and easier. (Slower exhaling also relaxes your nevous system).

3. And if they’re not already in a frenzy, have them hold their breath for a few seconds at a time. Maybe you’ve heard of box breathing? Use any length: 3 seconds, 4 seconds, 5 seconds… whatever works best.  (Box breathing:  4 second inhale, 4 second hold, 4 second exhale, 4 second hold. Repeat twice).

If they are already in a frenzy, have them breathe into a paper bag. You can google that, it works.

4. Last one… if you’re trying to calm yourself down… or talk yourself through anything… Use your own name. Say… “Suzanne, Slow down your exhale”. Because research shows that your subconscious responds best when someone uses your nameAnd it will probably piss you off less coming from yourself.